This month has tested me in unimaginable ways. My TV and phone broke down, a mouse came into my house through the kitchen, and I’ve just been having a really hard time coping.
The first week began with me volunteering at a children’s camp in my church. I signed up mainly because it gave me the opportunity to be busy, have some structure, and be around people. Every morning I was up at 5 a.m., out the door by 6, and in church by 7 to welcome the kids and parents. The rest of the day was spent prepping for the next. Having breakfast and lunch with the other volunteers made it feel like a real workspace, and I enjoyed the distraction.
Somewhere along the way, I even let people know I was unemployed and looking for opportunities, a big step for me. I shared my CV with a HR lady and thought, maybe this will open a door. On the lighter side, I surprised myself by pulling together enough outfits for the week (though yes, I did repeat a pair of jeans). Honestly, the “what to wear” dilemma was one of the reasons I almost didn’t sign up something only a fellow plus-size person will understand.
The last day of camp hit me hard. It was slower, my friend wasn’t around to keep me company, the HR lady suddenly grew cold after I shared my CV, and to top it off, I received a rejection email for a role I was hopeful about. Later, a friend visited with good news, and while I was genuinely happy for her, a question burned in my heart: God, why not me?
I drove home heavy. At a traffic stop, I broke down. Not just a tear or two, full-on bawling. I’m not usually a crier, but in that moment, anger and sadness spilled out. And strangely enough, I felt lighter after. I could not believe I had started another month jobless, frustrated, and tired. This month, I didn’t manage to read my Bible like I usually try to, but I did pray. Sometimes, that was all I had the strength for.
It wasn’t all bad, though. I went to a concert and had fun, watched some great movies that made me nostalgic for my Marvel fandom days, and even laughed my way through a Modern Family rewatch. I tried and failed to finish a book, but I’m determined to read at least two next month. I also managed to get my phone and TV fixed, and the mouse that broke into my kitchen was dealt with (though now I’m terrified of leaving my kitchen window open, yikes!).
August wasn’t easy. Between broken gadgets, health concerns, rejections, and tears in traffic, I felt stretched. But I also showed up, laughed, found joy in small things, and survived.
...THROUGH MY EYES ✨ 