One of the many things to have come out of this waiting season is the space to see how my friends handle me in my low moments. I’ve always been the friend people come to for advice, help, or comfort. I like to joke that I’m a self-cleaning machine, I deal with the difficult stuff quietly, on my own, and only talk about it once I’m through it. But this time, I decided to do things differently. I let a few of my friends in. I told them I was jobless.
When this period of waiting began, I never really thought about what it would mean for my personal relationships. What would it look like navigating this kind of season with my friends and family? The last time I went this long without a job was back in 2020, in the thick of the COVID era. I had moved back home after the government announced lockdowns moving out of my one-bedroom apartment at the time just made sense. I wasn’t earning much, I had no savings or investments to keep me afloat. I also didn’t have friends, not the kind who check in on you, spend time with you, or notice your absence. I lived far from my parents and siblings. I didn’t have community, I didn’t go to church, and other than my work colleagues, I spent a lot of time alone.
This time around, things are different. I have friends. I have community. People who notice when I don’t respond to calls or texts, or when I miss a meeting. It’s taken some getting used to and if I’m honest, there are moments I wish I didn’t have that much attention. I like being alone. In fact, I prefer it most times. Unlike some people, I’m quite comfortable in isolation, as long as I’m doing something I enjoy.
Growing up, I spent countless hours reading novels in my room, completely immersed in the stories, and I never once felt lonely. My personality can be a bit confusing because I come across as bubbly, friendly, and talkative and yes, there’s that side of me. But there’s also a big part that craves solitude, long stretches of quiet, and time alone to recharge. I love spending time with my friends, but I equally look forward to coming back home, putting on a show I love, and just… being.
Still, one of the clearest things this season has revealed is how my relationships have shifted. On one hand, I’ve grown closer to my parents and my brother, Kevin. Our conversations have become more open, our laughter more frequent, and I’ve felt their love in deeper, quieter ways. On the other hand, this season has also revealed which relationships were no longer working and which ones needed clearer boundaries. Maybe that’s part of God’s pruning process. I’m learning to accept that not every connection is meant to last forever, and that’s okay.
What’s become clear, though, is that I need community. I need people I can be real with, people who show up not just with words, but with presence. I’ve realized that when I’m walking through something difficult, what fills my cup most is quality time. Just hanging out. Watching a movie. Taking walks. Playing board games. Laughing until it hurts.
I’m deeply grateful that I’ve been able to experience all of these things this year. This season has taught me that even in waiting, God surrounds me with the kind of love and friendship that reminds me I’m not alone.
...THROUGH MY EYES ✨ 